RING....RING....CLICK
"Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone else to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call."
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